Theres an old saying...

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But I'm afraid I feel more broken these days than times when I don't. And on that basis this blog will likely be alot quieter till or if I'm more sure of things. Half tahe time I'm afraid to speak, anywhere, and that increases the DJ speaking garbage effect, you know how when you feel tongue tied you can never say what you really want to? It feels the same kind of thing.

But mostly at the moment, I do feel broke more than I don't, and need fixing. So, I'm not closing anything down, but, confusion reigns about some things, and till I get my bearings, I'm not sure I'll be blagging here very much, at least not of my own meanderings.

I doubt anyone would notice anyway, but, I know some folks come by regularly so just telling it how it is.

On an entirely separate note, I've started to put another e-book online. The History of the Westminster Assembly by William Maxwell Hetherington. Theres only the introduction there so far but its quite a lengthy book, and each chapter quite voluminous. It can be accessed by clicking on the covie standards and puritan e-books on my side-bar |

Ugh

Well that was the worst trip out for awhile, for a variety of physical reasons. But the appointment went well. And even tho it was so telling physically and so hard I'm glad I went, as it was quite funny really how someone as inept and unknowing as Deejay on lots of levels and timid with doctors when it comes to themselves ended up taking charge of the Professor!! If I can find a way to witticize it later will do so, but for now, I'm all out and just need to rest and get some strength back.

Next appointment unless anything comes up before, not till June 15th. So, its a good sign at least that they feel they can initially take so long between appointments.

But for now are too tired and knackered to even eat, so definitely too tired and knackered to blog. |

A Burst of brain power

..almost..

A few ideas to keep boredom at bay!!

Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf. Wait about three weeks (or until you think everybody has gotten over their caffeine addiction) and switch to espresso!

Get a hold of someone's cell phone and change the greeting banner to say "NO SERVICE". Many cell phones have greeting banners on them that you can personalize to say whatever you want them to and it stays on there when you're not using your phone. Also, when there is no service where you are, most cell phone companies have a banner that pops up on your screen saying "no service".

Simply pop out the 'm' and 'n' key on someone's keyboard and reverse the two. Any flat tool will work. Just pry it with little pressure and they will easily come right off. Then just sit back and watch the confusion.

And I dunno about anyone else but I am dead AGAINST hypnosis and are not about to try this stupid experiment, but, this guy reckons he can hyptnotize you over the internet. His accent for one thing would make it impossible to hypnotize me!!

And finally, a mouse for girls!!



I have to go to the cancer clinic today with my dad. Not looking forward to it for either him nor I. As I'm already in physical distress and going out only aggravates it so much more. But, unless totally incapable I would always go with him if possible. Next week I may actually get a decision on if they are going to re-home me. That would sure ease things in a variety of ways if they decide to do that. As even an adapted home for wheelchair access is still an adapted home and not ideal. And living alone can still cause problems. I'm thinking even if they decide not to rehome me, I may just take the bull by the horns and get a friend to help me sell here and get myself a purpose built place. The only thing that stopped me from doing that when knowing I was going to be living alone was I dont' feel able to handle all the stress of selling and moving on my own. Stress is bad for most people and its the worst thing when already battling illness.

Your Mood Ring is Light Blue

Emotions mixed Unsettled Cool

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The 23rd Psalm

1 The Lord's my shepherd, I'll not want.
2 He makes me down to lie
In pastures green: he leadeth me
the quiet waters by.

3 My soul he doth restore again;
and me to walk doth make
Within the paths of righteousness,
ev'n for his own name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale,
yet will I fear none ill:
For thou art with me; and thy rod
and staff me comfort still.

5 My table thou hast furnished
in presence of my foes;
My head thou dost with oil anoint,
and my cup overflows.

6 Goodness and mercy all my life
shall surely follow me:
And in God's house for evermore
my dwelling-place shall be.

From: The Scottish Psalter |

Tech Tip

I did have a proper tech tip, (I mean geek kind of tech) but cant remember what it was right now!! (sheesh!) If I remember later will edit this blog, but, I think I may have mentioned once before I had a liking for google mail out of the free web mail providers. And my opinion has not changed and in fact I have become more pro-google mail since that time. I have been rather careless in the past with exposing personal email addresses either online in forums, or on blogs etc. But the great thing about google, is you can use your google address to forward to any personal mail acct, so your actual private address will stay hidden!! I will no longer have to delete mail addresses because of getting spammed by exposing the addies in public places. That to me is a huge boon!

And the offer is still there, to anyone who would like a google acct, but doesn't have one right now, to contact me, (I do intend to put an email link on my blog ASAP) and I will send you an invite. Google mail at the moment is only by invitation of a user. And though I say google mail as opposed to gmail it really depends where in the world one is. As in England you get @googlemail.com and in the US and elsewhere its @gmail.com so wherever you maybe, would be what the addie came out as. |

HA! Ain't that the truth!!

You Are 35% Normal (Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

Awwwww

Useless fact: In 1980, the city of Detroit presented Saddam Hussein with a key to the city. |

I had a dream...

I sound just like Martin Luther King! (Heaven forbid!)

But, a lesson I learned early in life is when life seems to kick you in the teeth, you either go under, or you swim against the tide until eventually the waves don't crash against you to break you. And kicks in the teeth and swimming against the tide and cocking a snoot at what or whoever has seemed to be dragging me under the waves, has become something I'm finely tuned to do. I wouldn't be here now if not. And I don't doubt that in part the rebellious streak I have in me which can be so destructive if used in a wrong way, in scenarios such as these that spirit of no one getting the better of, (though I don't mean that in a literal way) to keep me under the waves as they crash against the shore, has helped me over-come many a kick in the teeth, and avoided extinction.

I have no idea which direction I'm going, or how I'm going to get there. I do know God is sovereign, and that the end of the story can't go wrong if you're one of His people. Assurance or lackof is a blighting thing for a Christian when in affliction. Samuel Rutherford spoke to this much in his letters, and how it had left him with regrets by his actions which had been spurred on often by his doubt in this way. Coupled with no internal witness of the Holy Spirit, it can seem impossible to believe as you would wish to. Yet Doc Martin, (the good German one, not Mr King) also had this all through his Christian life. He was often far less pious or harsh with words than say Calvin or others and I believe from personal experience this was the reason behind it. At the Diet of Worms, he went through terrible angst, feeling abandoned by God, at a time that couldn't be more important in the whole scheme of True religion. I do believe God is Sovereign, and everything happens for a reason, yet it can be so hard to hold onto hope when you feel as if you are drowning with no hand to help you out of the choppy waters. But you either go under or you get up in defiance maybe, and over-come what feels impossible. And you know its almost an hour by hour thing by how long you continue on in that way, but in the meantime, you pray for deliverance, or for God to send you help that would make ones lot more tolerable and seemingly doable. It can be hard to excerise faith and believe the best, when everything in ones life says otherwise. But, you either go under, or you kick back and fight, and believe the best by faith, when it often seems the most foolish thing to do. I still have dreams I hold onto. Though they've likely been dashed forever. Being a good Christian was one of those dreams. Getting to Heaven and knowing this had all meant something and been worthwhile. Finally a place to rest and be at Home, without fear of suddenly being ejected. I still have that dream. And I won't give it up without a fight. I want to come forth as gold, and to know the refining has done its work. Excercising ones faith can be the hardest act of all. But, sometimes, you know you have to, just to survive the next ten minutes.

This is said of Alexander Peden: His last days were spent in a cave on the River
Lugar in the parish of Sorn, near his birthplace and his brother's farm in Auchinleck, and there he died
in 1686, worn out by
hardship and privation.

And that seems also the same path I am walking. |

Too sick to blog?

almost... a friend of mine who is in a similar boat with a very similar illness, tho thankfully for her she has family. But she blogs too, and at the end of one recent blog when talking about living with death as a constant neighbour, perhaps even today, as one never knows and is so aware of it in these type of illnessses she said:

I have those days when I want to put aside all thought of it and do as if,
as if it is not there. But it is there it cannot be ignored. I have the other
kind of day when I feel like giving it up, it is oh, so much work to hang in
there and fight.

She nailed that right! The full blog post of hers can be read here |

How to pamper your pooch with crazy products

Doggy stroller. Wouldn't you and your dog look cool strolling round the neighbourhood with this? Link to product



Ever wished you could understand what your dog is saying? Get the dog lingo translator!! Link to Product


Get your pooches tootsies looking real cool, with what else? but doggy nail polish!! Link to product
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Laying on the floor

Are laying on the floor bleeding profusely right now, and don't know how to get back up. Me and my brain don't bode well for getting through these times in a timely manner. I think the me and my brain scenario is why it never goes away for very long and has increased in frequency the last months. As whatever my brain thinks, is mostly all I'm left with and often don't have the ability to fill it with anything truer. Being in isolation really is its own nightmare when in this kind of affliction.

Too absurd to be true or not, (and don't think the individual realized they were calling God absurd) from this side of it, its too true and realistic. But from this side of it, that single statement more or less confirmed, that people can't comprehend suffering to this degree mostly. Though are not saying theres not been those who haven't tried. And are not saying others don't suffer greatly too, but by its very nature, the path of extraordinary suffering, (as Calvin termed it) is not within usual or normal scope. Come to think of it I heard of a terrible story last night about social services, tho a different aspect of it. A 40 year old woman was moved to a new home, she was moving from an abusive husband, to what was considered safe place. she had no friends, not contacts, no one to look in on her, and in 2003 she died, her body was only discovered last week, the TV and the heating was on, (you can imagine the decomposition) the food in the fridge and freezer all dated back to 2003. Now this woman was not disabled, she was however, vulnerable and at risk. She lay dead for two years before even anyone noticed. A woman moving out of an abusive relationship needs people and friends and support not total isolation. I don't know what she died of or how she died, but, yes people do fall through the system, for various reasons. LINK I have learned to never accuse anyone of anything unless they condemn thereselves. A little too late in the day maybe for me to learn this, as I put two and two togetehr for months and months in other relationships, and came up with 78. I still bleed over that, every time I am as low as now. As I think the enemy knew exactly where to strike to cause maximum damage, and he has and I was the fool who was decieved. Someone wise told me years ago that suspicion is a form of anger. Its hard to be called a liar or deceptive unjustly in any circumstnaces, in this scenario its particuarly mocking. Its quite extraordinary but I go from opposite extremes of the pole. When normal (for me) I usually only see the best in people. When things went pear shaped, I could only see or imagine the worst in a way I had never thoguht myself capable of. I have prayed for the person who spoke the unjust words to me,knowing that was what Job did for his erronous friends in their sin to him, to try and prevent them being punished by God. I have done the same and therefore tried to return good for evil. Tho I have surely failed miserably at this too in the past. I hope those who I have wronged in the past at some point also feel so inclined towards myself. Not that I'm saying or even hinting they are repaying with evil. Don't mean that.


Mind you I don't think I've ever been so insulted (folks will generally have to try a bit harder!!) as over at Jerry's group a night or two ago, when someone called me popish!! (GASP!) With a nick like Hammer of the malignants which is what they called George Gillepsie, being called popish don't go down well!! Tho the high spot of that conversation was I did become a sexpert on various matters over at his group that a week ago was all greek to moi!! I love learning, its just a matter of having the capacity to. But when folks explain something real simple like, it helps alot. Its what I used to love about my staupitz, as they explained things in a way I could understand without making me feel stoopid.

I'm also unwell today, worse than usual, so will likely go back to bed and stay there. Being sick, bed-bound and alone is not an ideal morale booster, but nothing I can do about it as my body feels like its on the rack, and unfortunately that's not an exagerattion. I actully feel the last few days, as if I am becoming clinically depressed, probably for the first time in my entire life. Did you ever go beyond the point of being able to even weep? cos the pain was too great to evoke tears and way beyond fetching tears? I have been at this point awhile. This mountain God gave me is just so high and hard, and it seems to get higher all the time. And not a bit of relief in sight. I actually feel that physical immobility is the worst thing for battling depressive states of mind or clinical depression. I used to walk miles every day, and no matter how bad things were it used to help. I actually heard awhile ago that walking groups are now prescribed as an alternative to chemical koshes for those who are clinically depressed. I seem to be in a no win situation in this respect.
To the reader who commented on my now deleted post last night. I'm sorry you're having a hard time too. I think sometimes things just become overwhelming. |