The middle way.
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Since joining the ranks of the "physically disabled" tho technically classified as it since childhood, but since I was as strong as an ox and not limited in mobility, i didn't think of myself that way until about two and a half years ago, when my health deteriorated so badly, I had no choice but to use a wheelchair, And because of being so formerly active, are probably in much better shape that I otherwise maybe, even now. But, as a physically incapable person for the first time in my life, by other peoples standards, it seems societies view of those less able for whatever reason, is either ignore one as if one doesn't exist or is an inconvienience, or if your legs don't work, then you must need help, not in the things you can't do yourself, always, but often in the normal running of ones every day life! And I think about it from other folks perspective. The biggest shock folks have in my local area is when they see me now, having only ever seen me before, walking miles and miles with my dogs. They say stuff like, you were always here, there and everywhere. Well, now I am here. Just here! But when you see other folks reactions to ones circumstances, they kind of vary wildly. And which is the best? To live with someone who is totally capable, and yet will leave one in bed for a week without food? or for someone to be be concerned, and yet from your perspective, is interfering in things they have no right to, as I ain't dead (or balmy!) yet. I realize at least as far as well meaning folks go, its probably a very difficult line for them to walk. And because you know they have good intentions and do care, you hold off from pulling away from them.
I remember a few years ago, i was stood in a bar with my paraplegic closest friend, the bar tender came and served us, and he said to me about my friend, "what's he want?" so after the rolly eye thing, "I said I dunno you better ask him. His legs don't work but his brain does! "
You draw your lines in the sand, and decide to smile nicely and keep any niggles in. As to not do so seems an act of ingratitude for well meaning but often smothering with good intend friends. But you know your independance almost month by month is slipping further away, and you resent any attempts no matter the intent of folks who try to hasten that process by taking over. And before you go anywhere, or do anything, you feel like one should put your hand up and ask if you can, like a kid in a class room who needs to be excused to go the bathroom.
Its a difficult line for other folks to walk, I agree, but its even more difficult to have lost the amount of independance I have already, to feel others trying to hasten the process further along by wanting to do everything for you, things one can quite well manage yourself.
I have seen the "if i want help I'll ask for it" attitude, and tho I dont' agree with that kind of mentality, as it often ends up throwing peoples kindness back in their face, can understand it.
But, do wonder why societies outlook is either from one extreme to the other, of the lesser abled, of not to give a popish pontiff or to think it helpful to do things for us, we both want to do and enjoy doing our selves.
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