Lazy, Crazy Days

I generally hate weekends. Or Saturdays anyway. I dislike the Lord's Day in the sense of being outside of fellowship completely of the body of Christ, that's generally the day for me, which can prove hardest to get through emotionally at least, as circumstances just seem so up there in your face, yet I glean often, and know those days too can often be filled with blessings of various kinds, if only by a sense of a oneness with God. And I'm not talking in some mystical way, but just the voids and gaps which so often seem a constant droning lull, almost lulls that never end, often on the Lord's Day He fills them in a way I would not have thought possible.

Today, my pain is raging away pretty much unabated. Parts of it feel like a searing hot poker ripping through my spine. And my brain is jittery and can't settle, and it flits about from this to that, never still for very long. And because of this, its not been a productive day at all.

Mid morning it was to find a friend is also ill, and in bed at the moment. And again when last night she was so full of it, its a reminder of how fragile our existences can be. How things can change almost moment by moment, and that none of us, however safe or secure we may feel in our own little pigeon hole or world, can take anything for granted that our life is set, and we will carry on as we are. (Those of you who know her, please pray for Mrs Bee. I'm sure she'll be fine, but she still needs prayer)

Tonight we alter the clocks here in England and spring forward an hour. Which suits me fine. As its an hour less to what often can be long enough, empty, sleepless nights. So, I guess we are entering summer-time.


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Good Access

Most people are aware how generally speaking, poorly thought out and often left out altogether, wheelchair access is to different places. This would be a good start methinks!! ;-)



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Picture of the Week

And since as referenced in the previous blog, in many of these cases it all comes down to statistics, often financially, see if money can give Terri the right to live. CLICK HERE and make a pledge where the money will be offered to Terri's husband Michael, to return custody of his wife back to her parents. How much is a life worth? How much is enough to stop Michael Schiavo becoming his wifes executioner? You do not part with any money until or unless Michael Schiavo accepts the total pledged

And it just struck me how my quote from last night, seems to speak from the very heart of what Terri Schiavo may say, if she could speak for herself. "I will become like a bonfire, and dare the world to put me out" Laurence C Boldt

Thank you to my blog reader who sent me this link:


And he got the Tee-shirt too!

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[Edited blog]

Watch the videos on THIS site, and I find it more than a little hard to believe this woman has NO brain activity.

Not long ago, I read of the ruling on Terri Schiavo and when it wasn't her decision, she has no living will, it is like legalized murder because its on the say so of another human being.

And this seems to run through the whole of life in disability issues. If one cannot be cured, you cannot be used as a success statistic by the doctors, so you are nowhere near top of their prioriies, and probably nearer the bottom. if you cannot work, through the disability, (and therefore contribute to society in that way) and have no dependants, there have been cases here in England of even life saving heart surgery not being given as spending the money, (in a socialized medicine system) could not be justified when people who can be fixed up as good as new, go back to work, and have people who need them and depend on them can have the money better spent. it all comes down to figures in the end. Whether it be statistics in success rates, or financially. The elderly who are infirm, will often be given preferential treatment over the long term disabled, because they have been contributing up until they retired and often have families.

As a severely disabled person, I've also considered recently, the value of making perhaps a living will or Advanced directive which is basically the same thing. And that can seem a huge temptation for someone in my shoes. Yet, it also speaks of defeatism, and assuming an eventual outcome of this desease. Yet its just as likely for madness to take hold permanently somehwere down the line, and that to me, is far more of a dread than being helpless in the ways these living wills cover. I just think the value of human life is grossly under-rated in whatever its form. Ask how many parents who have Downs Syndrome children, or an autistic child, if they regret having the child. The answer will invariably be no. Samuel, My Joy Yet, those with downs, autism, or a mulititude of other disabilities, are some of the offcasts of society too.

It doesn't really bother me from a personal perspective, in a big way, but does stir up righteous indignation at how cheap and disposable human life is, whether its the unborn or suchas the above, and how often the choice and right to life, is taken out of the hands of vulnerable people and they have no say, in it. Murderers and rapists are given a chance at life, the unborn, the disabled and the vulnerable, have no rights at all. Quite a sad reflection on the state of the society we live in.

Against the killing of the light--By Ed Smith. Ed Smith is a retired educator and full-time writer. His humour column runs in several papers and magazines and he has had eight books published. He has been quadriplegic since 1998. Ed lives in Springdale, Nfld.

And AGAIN on the same theme, but on the new Clint Eastwood movie.

The Culture of Disbelief

Someone Special, just like you.

The origins of genocide. From Euthansia to the Final Solution |

"I will become like a bonfire and dare the world to put me out." ~ Laurence C. Boldt

My health has been worse than just dreadful the past days, yet, even tho at times, the severity of it, scares the bejeepers out of me, of where exactly it could lead and how much impact it is taking on my head, I am trying to rest in the Lord in it all. I don't believe spending any longer in bed, or on ones bed than one needs to do. Yet except for the odd few hours here and there the last two days I've been largely on my bed, cos after being sat up for a while, my eye sight becomes badly affected. my eyelids are bruised, or they look it, a bright shade of red, is this bruising coming out from the impact my brain is taking during these vascular spasms i have as I sleep? I don't know. Yet things in reality are pretty scary over-all, yet in other ways, life is getting fuller and richer. It is almost two am here in England. Knowing the course of events and the shocks my brain takes to it while asleep, does not encourage sleep, so I am on my bed, with my laptop trying to figure out the most profitable and worth-while way to spend the hours ahead, if sleep either can't be done or doesn't take over.

I've said to many friends over the years. i am as artistic as a tree. meaning absolultely zippo, zilch, not an artistic bone in my body. I can't even draw a straight line without the aid of a ruler. Yet art has many forms, not just painting and drawing and the like. Writing, pottery, music and a host of other forms. Even gardening nicely done is and can be a form of art. And I used to write and be published in magazines, fanzines and the like, and recently have expressed to a friend, how I would at some point like to get back to this. But I know the cognitive dificulties do not make this an easy task and in fact make it seem over-whelmingly daunting. And procrastination is a skill I have down to a fine art-form. But recently the afore mentioned friend, whose life of living with and not just surviving but exceeding all odds when living with a disability not at all dissimilar to my own, has got me more than seriously contemplating just going for it. Another friend, who is a writer herself, said when I was talking to them, to just write, that's what's important, and to leave the fears over the cognitive issues to the Lord. And my life circumstances up until now, have given me a very narrow view of life, in how limited its been. No education after aged nine and spending around 15 years in psyche hospitals does that to one. never working, never being married, never having kids, or nephews and nieces. All of those things are totally outside my experience, yet often part of the majorities normal life.

And after looking through some areas of creativity by disabled artists, whether that's writing, painting or whatever form, i realize more and more, that the chaos that has always been how mind takes hold of things, flitting from this to that, never settling for very long on one thing, could all be part of a creative mind trying to find something to take hold of, and make all the bits that seem to be unconnected and disjointed actually fit.

My reason for starting a blog at all, was to see if I could express myself in any understandabe way still. And I know that I can. I also know that my humour is not something that should go untapped, as whether its personal friends, or friends on the net, its the one aspect of my interchanges that normally makes people open to me and warm towards me. And sometimes when my life has been so far beyond belief for friends to be able to offer any words of comfort, a wittisim often breaks the silence and a ripple of laughter is a great aid to breaking the ice and making people feel at ease in what seemed and awkward or uncomfortable position for them to be in, as we all like to offer comfort to friends and loved ones when they are in distress. And the insane often black humour which seems to get worse as I get older, I believe was a gift from God, and what made me survive more intact than I otherwise would through impossible circumstances from childhood, and even now. There is actually medical evidence that laughter really is literally good for the soul.

So, the upshot of this is. As God slays me, through these trying times, and sometimes its true, I would like to take a short cut out of here, but as He slays me, I will rejoice in Him. For things are slowly it seems but surely ebbing away in any normal sense, yet the fullness makes for a whole other existence in what could be achieved, as long as I have breath in my body and a brain I can put to use. I believe for me, this will be in writing. And it may never set the world on fire, but, without a doubt, we do not have to live in the pideon hole that circumstances could leave us in. If in bed, a laptop can make all the difference to how productive we can be if we want to be. Its never been my style to roll over and play dead, I wouldnt be here now, if that was so. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Yet maybe by taking away, he not only lets us focus on and depend on the only real good for any of us, Himself, but He also sets free the spirit of bondage, in that we can't be or take part in the world as the world does, and the book of John expressly says we should not. And maybe by what would seem like to the world bondage, in how life is, we become freer to tap into the hidden resources in all of us, and rather than feel life is over, a new chapter of the old one, is just beginning. |

Suffering From Frustration?

Here..This will Help!

GOOGLEFIGHT

And while here, I just wanted to add, I have been aware of my increasing number of typos and using the completely wrong word other than which I intend of late. Its a combination of co-ordination skills worsening and cognitive abilities mis-firing. But for readers of my blog who've struggled through, wanted to say thank you, and I'm on the case, to prevent the finished blog including the typographical errors.

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The Paraben Parable

Buyer Beware---EXCLUSIVE EXPOSE`

[Edited blog]

Do you ever buy products because you look at the labels and you think as you read the label or advertisment about the product, hey kewl, Just the johnny horner I need and go out and get or order it. Being as porphyria is my problem, it seems, I do this more than ever. As half the drugs on any doctors regular prescription list, can bring on a porphyric attack in porphyrics. Which happens at times through doctors not being well informed of drugs that interefer with the relevant pathways involved in porphyria. List abound both of safe porphyric drugs, but those which are safe for one patient prove unsafe for others so its very variable. Anyhow to cut to the chase. I was buying a hormonal cream, to try and combat some of my symptoms of porphyria. It was bought from uk at progesterone and then I saw a less expensive (even allowing for international shipping) in the US, and ordered from there, as its always advertised at each and every site which sells it as toxin free, none carcinogenic. Well, after I started using this imported cream, I started reguarly throwing up, (a common symptom of porphyria but one I had not experinced till then) but just figured it was a worsening in my over-all condition. But this carried on for month after month, my health always on a downward turn. And after reading that some female porphyrics are adversely affected by this type of hormone cream I stopped using it experimentally, just figuring it was the cream. Then when discussing with a neighbour, she couldn't understand why (and didn't know I'd swapped brands) as she said at one time I had defiitely found some improvement on the cream. And then.. Yesterday, I find this second cream, the one purported to be none carcinogenic and toxin free, is actually toxic in many ways. I have the tube in front of me as I type It has four different parabems in it. Parabems of which have been linked to possible breast cancer. So, I go from using one natural cream and felt somewhat better. I swap brands, not knowing it had any toxins in it till yesterday, but it had stopped using it around the December holiday season cos of how ill I felt, and then find out it does have toxins! Porphyria of course. is all about toxic overload. Should I sue these people for falsely advertising there products? Even when they have had several people voice their suspicions to the outlet I know of that sells and they have then been wickedly treated for doing so. But people are NOT stoopid. If you have nothing to hide, you do not treat people like that (and certainly not in multitudes) and everyone thinks its just hey ho ok. And some of the sellers of these products are actually using there status as Christians, (and even the most unregenerate person often knows that you won't be ripped off by a Christian) so, either set the record straight, gels, or fess up and do the decent thing and repent. If these suspicions by many female users of this cream are NOT accurate and have no foundation, then please set the record straight, and refute it, and clear your reputations and that of Christ. If they do have foundations, then that's between you and the Lord. But the day of judgement often comes sooner than we ever think. if these ingredients are toxic which my symptoms alone would suggest they are even while I was in ignorance of those ingredients, my day of judgement could have been bought forward, by simply using a product such as this, and trusting the words of the spiel about it. You can see how rare products without parbens are in any country HERE, and how unhealthy they are, I guess what I object to with the product in question which I bought, is that its actually endorsed by many cancer prevention places as anti carcinogenic, and there is simply put, very much room for doubt about that, and by my own experience of using it, highly questionable. Anyone know a good attorney? Perry Mason would do. THE DISTRIBUTOR IN QUESTION and her Partner In Crime. unless anyone can prove or until they themselves prove otherwiseYou have every right to reply gels, and clear the suspicions over this product. Hushing up, booting stroppy members and just generally playing the heavy hand with anyone who questions you over this, does little to allay any suspicions or fears. So, am I whistling in the wind? Or should I be looking for an attorney right now? Incidentally, liver cancer is the number one killer among porphyrics. While researching the parable of the paraben tonight, two chief places they attack, kidneys and hey ho.. you got it, Liver! Thanks gels. As I said, I leave you room and a right to reply. But until we hear or have this, BUYER BEWARE!! And until they have refuted these claims, then please beware of THIS yahoo group where the duplicitous duo are peddling there wares.

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Bad Dog's and my chief allergy

We have the biggest dog show in the world held at my home town. Some of my family went this year. Crufts and maybe at one time, it would've been something I would have gone too, being barking about dogs, but not these days. But apparently its an experience all on its own. And my family member over from Australia whose just as dotty about dogs as I, couldn't be in this city, and not go. But we also now have a dog show here for mongrels called Scruffs, this was the one I would have loved to have entered my Lucy for. As the only requirements for entry is they are mongrels, scruffy in appearance, and bags of personality, and I swear some folks only used to come to our home, to see this little dog. But, I was reminded of my Lucy and her bare-faced unaffronted cheeky personality on seeing this picture of another wee little dog.



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You Are 35% Normal (Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

Tis a Lie. And a *gross* exagerattion. Are nowhere near that normal!

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Cold Coffee On...

A Warm muggy evening...

Sounds a good contrast maybe? Newp! Cold coffee is one of my pet peeves where food and/or drink is concerned. Even warmed up by nuclear rays, it never tastes the same I don't think. I have a nuked up cup of coffee in front of me as I type!

But today was good, in many ways. A relative who'd travelled 10,000 miles to this country who went to live in Australia 30 years ago, turned up on my doorstep with just an hour or two's notice. And I'm not really a person of spontaneity, or doing things last minute, I like structures, more organized kind of things, then one knows ones goals and can set about achieving them. yet she came, and it gladdened my heart to see her. Some folks, no matter how distant the memory maybe, always hold a special place in ones heart. And we didn't speak of illness, or any such thing, which many people can't help but when they either don't know me, or haven't seen me since before i was disabled. she treated me with compassion, yet not pity or patronization. We laughed, and enjoyed the company, and for someone who any reminder of that long ago, can be such a painful memory of things best left buried they can almost be paralyzed by the memories that get dragged up, her warmth, and the spirited woman still inside tho older on the outside to when she left, was enough for the painful reminder that can rear up when I least need it to, to stay well down, and just enjoy being with someone of a like-mind and like-spirit in many ways. Which in my circles through life has been rare, and in my family, since she left 30 years ago, absolutely none existent. |

For at my first entry into this trial (being cast down and troubled
with challenges and jealousies of His love, whose name and testimony
I now bear in my bonds), I feared nothing more than that I was casten
over the dyke of the vineyard, as a dry tree. But, blessed be His
dear name, the dry tree was in the fire, and was not burnt; His dew
came down and quickened the root of a withered plant. And now He is
come again with joy, and has been pleased to feast His exiled and
afflicted prisoner with the joy of His consolations. Now I weep, but
am not sad; I am chastened, but I die not; I have loss, but I want
nothing; this water cannot drown me, this fire cannot burn me,
because of the good-will of Him that dwelt in the Bush. The worst
things of Christ, His reproaches, His cross, are better than Egypt's
treasures. I would not give, nor exchange, my bonds for the prelates'
velvets; nor my prison for their coaches; nor my sighs for all the
world's laughter. This clay-idol, the world, has no great court in my
soul. Christ has come and run away to heaven with my heart and my
love, so that neither love is mine:- Samuel Rutherford, Letter
XXVII. To LADY HALHILL,ABERDEEN, March 14, 1637 |