Mere Musings

Rhetorical questions:

How can you tell someone your sorry if they won't even speak to you?

how can you tell them you miss them?

how can you say you never meant to get so mad, and still don't know why you did, except was in unbearable anguish about life and losses and felt abandoned by God, and desolate?

how can you tell 'em when you promised to make them laugh at least once a day, you never meant to break that promise.

How can you say what words are never enough to?

I don't know the answers. But the questions lay heavy right now.
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Do you think I can dig up the royals?

Since I am determined to prove having no idea at all of my biological heritage that somewhere down the line I have Royal blood, (would not be proud of that face...but are sure if our British royal family had me as a distant relative, I could shake 'em up a bit!) but, do you think its like I could get them to exhume some dead royals to proof they have the same genes as I do, huh? I was dead set on this idea....was gonna make a list to go thru them one by one, hoping to prove my heritage. But after reading this story, think my hopes may have been dashed!! Tis a conspiracy I tell ya!! A conspiracy!!

Royal mystery exhumation refused

Family legend claims Henry Locock was the son of Princess Louise
An attempt by a man to exhume the body of his grandfather in Kent to prove he has royal connections has failed.
A church court rejected an appeal by Nicholas Locock to dig up the remains of his grandfather Henry, which are in St Nicholas churchyard in Sevenoaks.

Full story.




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Organic coffee

"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering." Henri-Frédéric Amiel

My habit for years, as long as memory will recall has been to wake up, and first cravings for addiction kick in. my main one used to be for cigarettes, and would light before even leaving my bed, which for someone who back then had a habit of collapsing unconcious multiple times a day through seizures, was likely not the brightest thing to do, especially when drifting off to sleep is a trigger time for me, and the cig would often put me back to sleep, often almost before the cig was finished. A relative inisisted years ago, that a smoke alarm was fitted right outside my bedroom door. Hey ho. Someone up there likes me, and the near misses with almost everything I have had though this life, confirms this over and over again. God has proved His faithfulness in this respect time and time again.

But the addictions nowadayas, tho often the one for nicotine still hits, it isn't something i have to satisfy pronto, but coffee is. Nothing quite like the first coffee of the morning. And this morning, i drank almost organic coffee. I am trying to eliminate the number of toxins I take in, owing to porphyria being all about toxins, and the less one willingly takes in, the less there is to make one iller. Have eaten organic potatoes and carrots and soup in the last few days. Which five years ago, would have ROFL at anyone who faintly suggested I would ever do this. Have always made a joke out of my unhealthy lifestyle, been somewhat proud of it, tho, its also true, that some of the stuff that to other folks was unhealthy, suchas consuming three or four pounds of sugar per week, and excess caffeine intake, and high fat, high carb diet, have probably helped me keep me well longer than I would have been without them, as all the above are vital for porphyrics. Another aspect of God's hand upon my life, when I had no knowledge of what was good or bad in a real way, but just assumed it was bad cos everyone else said so, but I liked it so would have it anyway, the very things God gave me a taste for, are the very things I craved every day.

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..Mmmmmmmmmm

Have not long finished my morning Jo. (hope that's the right term) Coffee. i drink mocha mostly, and had organic sugar in it. I like this cup, it holds over half a pint of fluid, and gives me a boost cos of the extra coffee that goes in it. So, I have had my boost, and now to start the day and entrust it to God. As evidence is everywhere, that even when we don't know He is there, helping us, (suchas described above) His hand is always on us.
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When overwhelmed by the trials of life

When one is in such a dark, empty, tortured place, you think you must've died already and arrived at the wrong destination, when tortured both physically, mentally and feel abandoned by God, you feel nothing can ever make it right. And you feel yourself sinking under the weight of life, death, and ghosts of the past. and you feel God doesn't hear you, what can make that right?

There seems very little. you feel the dark elements are overpowering you, as you see the people from long ago, who made yoru life a living hell, in the same room as you. You hear them taunt you, and you want release. What can make that right?

Evidence of goodness. Amidst the wickedness of the world both past, present and future. You look out side, you see a flower growing, new life, You see on the TV a new born foal, happy as Larry, evidence of life, and theefore goodness, and evidence that the evil cannot win. As can the devil spawn new life? But the all powerful, ever loving God, or justice, mercy and kindness can. The Bible says faith is by things not seen. And that's true. But sometimes, when the darkness and shadows seem to overwhelm, and your body physically feels past endurance points for bearing any more, the evidence which is there, if we have eyes to see, is the thing that makes the darkness less powerful and less engulfing.

And it goes back to something I heard a friend of mine say once, and have repeated it to others too, one can't be suicidal and praising God at the same time.


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