Try this next time...

Before I head back to my sick bed, will end with a light note. Try to say these next time, you've had too much to drink. not that I think any drunks read my blog of course, after I kept telling y'all, "no drunks on my blog'

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
No kebab for me, thank you
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing
No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.


|

Create.....

Your Own Tombstone.

|

I'm all right... Jack

i was talking with a friend this morning about the bigotry that we westerners have when catastrophes happen in third world or poorer countries. if 9-11 had have happened in Iran or Sri Lanka, not many folks would blink an eye. unless a big name suchas Bob Geldof did with with Live Aid, gets behind a cause, people are complacent, content, and just a little indifferent and hardened to what goes on in other peoples back yards. yet why are none western lives worth less than an Englander or an American? They ain't, yet its generally the way of the world of if not on our doorstep it don't affect us, what's THAT got to do with me? The devastation that went on in Asian on Sunday, we cannot even imagine. many don't care enough to want to.

And in the midst of all this tradgedy, when so many human lives were wiped out in a single day, I can't also help but note, that the Iran earthquake of last year, was also at this time people Call Christmas, and exactly the same date: Iran Earthquake 2003

Not in our back-yard? Human tragedy is a human condition, and no one, is immune. We may never feel the earth move (we rarely get even tremors in UK) and be plunged into catasrophe, but a human tragedy is a human problem, and one day it could be us, or those we love. Would that too be a case to look away? or if it was our kin folk, would it only then become a tragedy?
|

Penguin II

This could get to be like the God-father, parts one, two and three hundred and fifty eight!
But, I dunno if this guy is any relative of the bird here but boy, does this penguin rock!!

|

More alternative...

Wasys to order a pizza!

Don't try this at home!! Tho it is singuarly tempting to!


1. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

2. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

3. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

4. Try to talk while drinking something.

5. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

6. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

7. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

8. Be vague in your order.

9. Use CB lingo where applicable.

10. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

11. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

12. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

13. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.


14 Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

15. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

16. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

17. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

18. Put them on hold.

19. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

20. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'." (I like dis one)


|

Silly Things...

Sometimes, silly things, can resonate so loudly with the human condition which is often full of doubts and fears etc, that though they silly, they not only make one laugh, they ding your dong too. I had never heard of this pair, before a year or two ago, but every time I see a brand new quote of theirs, they crack me up, and sometimes too, resonate, loudly.


"Hobbes: Do you think there's a God? Calvin: Well, SOMEBODY'S out to get me."
|

Talented Pets

Well, i am no fan of the British Bull dog, but the way this pet avoided some near fall off's that i would not have been able to, was kinda kewl. I've had less obstacles Than these near misses, and always fell foul of them when on moving objects, always having had horrendously slow, reflexes! So, hat's off to the the talented pooch! (As usual, hit the play button on the player console)

|

Alternative Ways...

To order a Pizza!



1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

12. Stutter on the letter "p."

13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Change your accent every three seconds.

16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.


|

Today's been a Bad Day

Today's been a bad day. It hit me over the weekend, that after three years of rapidly spiralling downward health, I no longer even rememer what it is like to feel even a tiny bit well. And this realization came within a week, of a hospital visit, and the realization also, that I shall never know what its like to feel well again in this life. I'm not ready to give up the ghost, but today's been a bad day, and to perhaps face another 15 years in this broken, useless, poisoned, body, sticks in my throat.

So, I'm going to make coffee, get my book, by Jeremiah Burroughs, with sermons on the The Beautitudes, "The Saint's Happiness" go on my bed as its almost midnight here, and read about the blessings of the Christian life, and when all the normal blessings of life by most folks standards have either been taken or just gone, pray that my LORD will fill me with Spiritual blessings.

The Beatitudes

2And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:

3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

5"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

6"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

7"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

8"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

9"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons[a] of God.

10"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

|

Popish nonesense...

will be continuing through tomorrow here in England. We had Dec 25, yesterday was Boxing Day, but because it was a weekend, when normally folks would be off work anyhow, they then add Mon and Tues on to make up for it, and call them "Bank HolidayMonday and Tuesday"

There is no day commanded in Scripture to be kept holy under the Gospel but the Lord's Day, which is the Christian Sabbath. Festival days, vulgarly called holy days, having no warrant in the Word of God, are not to be continued. Directory of Public Worship

The Southern Presbyterian, an article written on December 22, 1870 which said, "if the exact date were known, or if someday December 25th had been agreed upon by common consent in the absence of certain knowledge, we would still object to the observance of Christmas as a holy day. We object for many reasons, but at present mention only this one: that experience has shown that the institution of holy days by human authority, however pure the intention, has invariably led to the disregard of the Holy Day, the Sabbath, instituted by God." (Southern Presbyterian Dec 22nd 1870)


PCUS was steadfastly opposed to the observance of these man-made holidays in the practice of the church. Their Church Government had a section which read, "There is no warrant in Scripture for the observance of Christmas and Easter as holy days, rather the contrary. And such observance is contrary to the principle of the Reformed faith, conducive to will-worship, and not in harmony with the simplicity of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. " PCUS General Assembly 1899.

That God's Word damns your ceremonies it is evident for the plain and straight commandment of God is, "Not that thing which appears good in thine eyes shalt thou do to the Lord thy God, but what the Lord thy God has commanded thee, that do thou. Add nothing to it. Diminish nothing from it. Now, unless that ye are able to prove that God has commanded your ceremonies, this, His former commandment will damn both you and them. [John Knox]

|

Christian love?

This poem resonates loudly. As airy fairy Christianity gets my goat quicker than anything. Where everyone thinks, life is okay and you can't possibly struggle because we have God. Yes, we have God, and we are blessed richly through it. But this life still has to be gotten through. And we are not insensible or don't feel.

not long ago, for ten weeks, I was mostly stuck in one room, and my days were spent throwing up, in unbearable pain, not able to sleep and not able to eat. And all but about six hours of that ten weeks, was spent alone. And I heard time and time again, Christian friends say, 'I'll pray for you" Sometimes, in the midst of agony, that can be like a red rag to a bull, but one you must never show. And with very few exceptions, most Christians either hold to a larger or smaller degree of airy fairy Christianity, or they don't know what true Christian love is. I thought this poem which a woman wrote (I don't know whom) and handed to a humanites organization says it all very nicely.

I was hungry, and you formed a humanities group to discuss my hunger,

I was imprisoned and you crept off quietly to your chapel and prayed for my release,

I was naked, and in your mind you debated the morality of my appearance,

I was sick, and you knelt and thanked God for your health.

I was homeless and you preached to me of the shelter of the love of God,

I was lonely, and you left me alone to pray for me,

You seemed so Holy, so close to God,

But, I am still very hungry, and lonely and cold.
|