Thursday, July 15, 2004

More product warnings!

On a lawnmower I had was a big label which read:
"WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING- THE BLADE IS TURNING!"

We once bought a grocery store pizza and the instruction were on the bottom, so we turned it upside down to see how long to cook it etc., and low and behold the first instruction was DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily OrificeÂ¿

My bathroom has inadequate ventilation and therefore, develops mold spots in the lower corners. I attempted to purchase a cleaner specifically designed to remove bathroom mold deposits. The directions on the product label stated, "Only use in well ventilated areas."

Seen on the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle: "Do not open here."

On a bottle of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face."

On a bottle of bathtub cleaner: For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.

On a container of lighter fluid: WARNING: Contents flammable!

On a bottle of hand lotion: Warning: Starts healing skin on contact.

On a box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Microwave popcorn is packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it. Direction #1 is Remove plastic.

On a television commercial that says it cleans dentures 4 times better. Below in small print it said "Lab test: (their product) vs. water.

On a television commercial I saw it said they their denture paste was better than any other. BELOW IT, it said in small letters, vs. using no adhesive.

I have a full-face motorcycle helmet with a giant arrow pointing to the front. I can only guess that some idiot put the helmet on backwards, jumped on a bike and hurt himself. This is to protect to manufacturer from future lawsuits.

One day I went to a wall-mart out of state and I went to buy a blow dryer when I read the warnings it said "DO NOT BLOW DRY IN SLEEP"

Seen on the back of a drink bottle label: "Do not peel label off."

On a Band-Aid box: "For serious injuries, seek medical attention."

On a can of powdered infant formula: "Mix with water before serving." Like I'm going to spoon it to my baby dry!

This stupid label was found on a can of Woolite carpet cleaner: "Safe for carpets, too!"

This label was found on the BOTTOM of a box of glass ornaments: "Do not turn upside down."

On a box of Frosted Cheerio's, the logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here."

On a plastic orange juice can: "100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate."

I once saw an ad for some type of contest on a candy bar. The wrapper said "No purchase necessary - Details Inside."

Directions for eating Lunchables Nachos: Dip chips in cheese and salsa.

The golf carts on the course I worked at have warning labels saying, "Not for highway use."

On Clorox Fresh Care: (for cleaning out odors from fabric) "Safe to use in households with pets Warning: Fresh Care is NOT intended to be sprayed directly on pets."

While working at a large medical center in the Midwest, a construction worker was admitted with a large hammer sticking out of his head. Seems he was in an altercation with another gentleman. On the side of the hammer were the words, 'Use protective eyewear.'

On the back of the Pilots seat on NATO AWAC Aircraft (E-3A), is a sign that states: "Seat must be facing forward for take off and landing."

I came upon a bottle of children's cough medicine stating "Caution: May cause drowsiness; do not drive or operate heavy machinery"

On the label of Sterno is a warning that says, "Do not use near fire or flame." Check it out!

Seen on a container of salt:
Warning: High in sodium

Seen on computer instructions: Visit our site for further instructions. http://www.pc.com/pc/instructions.htm

On a hose nozzle there was a warning that said: "Do not spray into electrical outlet."

Seen on an industrial size washer in our local laundry establishment was the (large lettered) sign: "Warning: Do not put any person in this washer."

There is also a stroller on the market with the warning, "Remove child before folding."

I saw a car ad depicting cars driving in the water with fins like sharks. At the end of the ad in small letters it read: "Caution, do not drive underwater"

"When life hands you a lemon, say 'Oh yeah, I _like_ lemons, what else ya got??'" -- Henry Rollins

7/15/2004 03:50:00 pm ::

::

Crazy Calvinist :: permalink

Now this is what I call a mean cat!!

Lock up your pooches, for safety!

7/15/2004 03:27:00 pm ::

::

Crazy Calvinist :: permalink

Vital reading material if you want to be Bush!

"It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so
ingenious."

7/15/2004 03:21:00 am ::

::

Crazy Calvinist :: permalink

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

And I guess its just a coincidence that the most loved Royal who the rest of the Royal Family could not stand at any cost, her memorial goes caput shortly after, lift off, huh?

Only a day after it was opened by the Queen, the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain came to grief yesterday. High winds brought down a deluge of leaves, blocking grilles in American designer Kathryn Gustafson's 'reflecting pool' and causing a flood on the grass 50ft wide and a foot deep.

by BILL MOULAND, Daily Mail

Only a day after it was opened by the Queen, the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain came to grief yesterday. High winds brought down a deluge of leaves, blocking grilles in American designer Kathryn Gustafson's 'reflecting pool' and causing a flood on the grass 50ft wide and a foot deep. Royal parks spokesman Theo Moore ruefully admitted: "We didn't expect autumn to arrive on the seventh of July." With the weather causing chaos across the South East, visitors braved 70mph gusts to try to enjoy the tumbling waters pumped through the £3.5 million oval monument in Hyde Park. 'Wrong kind of leaves' They saw workmen battling to stop it looking too much like the storm drain which some critics already said it resembled. The edges of the 6ft to 18ft-wide channels which bring the water to the pool also became coated with twigs and other debris. "Wrong kind of leaves, I suppose," smiled Steve Phillips, 53, before taking off socks and shoes to go for a paddle. "I am amused, even if the Queen might not be." Countryman Clive Hawkins, from Yeovil, Somerset, reckoned the flood was no surprise. "It is exactly like the drainage ditches on the side of fields," he said. "This is what happens when they flood." Watching from outside a hastily-erected security zone of steel barriers and striped tape, Mr Moore said it would all have been different if it had been autumn. By then, he said, extra grilles would have been fitted to catch the leaves. But they were still waiting to be attached, while a meter to measure water levels and cut off the pump if necessary had not yet been installed.
Email to a friend | Print this article

7/13/2004 11:23:00 pm ::

::

Crazy Calvinist :: permalink

Don't make your kitty emotional!!

7/13/2004 02:15:00 pm ::

::

Crazy Calvinist :: permalink

Instruction! Vital for surviving life!!

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning: keep out of children.

(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)