1 thing I hate about this illness..

Sometimes, is my inability to think in real time. I joke with friends about going bunny hopping to get to the same place they arrived at hours previously, and in this medium, (online) it can be okay, but when talking or discussing things face to face or on the phone its a nitemare. I have a particularly awkward situation, since I resigned from my church, as I have been implored to stay, and I've said to my pastor at times, tht I can talk much better by email than by phone or face to face will lesser but still important matters. You can't remember what you know, tho you know your convictions are strong but because you can't express these convictions, it must seem pretty weak to other folks. YOu can't always even remember the word you want to use. And often with everything in life, I know the result of what I know or believe, but can't put together to explain the finer points of what got me to that knowledge or belief. And if its in real time, in person or on the phone, I feel vulnerable in the sense of cos I can't think to remember what I know, that anyone can tell me what they know, and without the available knowledge I have somewhere in me, how do I know for sure they are wrong? Especially if they are well thought of and trusted friends. And if I can't say why I think they are wrong, even if I know from what's led me to m beliefs, well, I feel more than a little foolish and inaffectual.

Its another problem of being a lone Christian here in England too. As there's no one not one person, who can stand along side me and even speak up for me havng shared with them what got me to the beliefs in the first place when they became the truths to me. There's also no one who shares the same beliefs anywhere near at all. Most folks here have never even heard of the RPW, So, sometimes the cognitive aspects of this desease stink big time.
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Okie Dokie

"You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy" John Calvin

I saw this quote by a guy named Walter Anderson. (have never heard of him until I saw this quote) but his statement is one I often ponderize. I'm talking people here, not God. Is this a true statement? or is it wrong? I am not ponderizing in the terms of husband and wives, but just people generally.


We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy

Walter Anderson

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Modern Times

Well, I can say in all honesty, I have never been a technophobe. In fact, I like gadgets, All kinds. Big, small, normally fairly simple type of things but still classed as a gadget or some of the unusual. I was the first person I knew to own a Rubic Cube about 20 odd years ago. I never solved Rubics cube, but would spend hours trying.

Anyhow, my father, who is 86 and tho my dad, age-wise is old enough to be my grand father or even great grandfather, comes from a very different line of thought on new technology. His mother, was terrified of the telephone. My other Grandmother, was also not overly confident with the phone. She died in 1978 ages 84 so was actually born in the 1800's.

Anyhow, to cut to the chase. (GASP do I hear you say?) Washing machines and all the modern machinery almost every home has. we've had one for years and years. But I have to say, they don't make them like they used to. The first one we had, was one made by a washing machine maker called Servis, (sp?) and it very rarely went wrong, and we had it over 20 years before one day I flicked the switch and smoke came out of it! (Yikes) It was mom and dad's. We've had two since then. Both Indesit brands. And this latest one, its a washer/dryer, but the way it is programmed, if you turn the dial and it hits on one of the programmes whilst the power button is turned on, then what it hit, the programme is stored in its digital memory, and unless you clear the memory, it will not do anything else beyong the programme its got on its memory board of a programme you never meant it to accept in the first place! My dad who maybe over the last 12 months or so, has had to do his laundry for the first time in his life, (he is amazingly fit and healthy and out and about town every day, nto because he has to but because he wants to) but this washing machine and dad do not go together. Simply because of the how the memory stores things digitally, and dad not being able to move with the times at all, and the washing machine is a thing to use only if you must, possibly while mildly cussing about it at the time, lol.. and its "new fangled technology... and I wish the days where we washed evrything by hand were back" And I had a repair man in the second time in a month this week. And the guy came up here and explained the problem to me of what is happening. As My kitchen is not accessible to my wheelchair at the moment, I haven't been physically able to get downstairs for a week, so, obviously I had no idea wht was going on. But the guy advised me, if dad cannot cope with this washing machine, for me to get a second hand type of older washer machine, which were not controlled digitally and were much simpler to use. So, the motto of this story would be, is that progress is progress is progress, and I am not against it per se. But often progress, just makes things much more difficult for folk, when its involving machinery and/or technology.

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Riddle for this week

What am I?

When I am filled
I can point the way,
When I am empty
Nothing moves me,
I have two skins
One without and one within.



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A sobering thought

On a serious note as far as pictures of oneself go, I think sometimes we can come across something not recent and it can be sobering in many ways. I found a pic of ten years ago tonite, I thought it long lost, or thrown out and trashed for various reasons. And I don't recognize the person in the picture. And for me at least, its not vanity, you just realize how over a period of time, desease and illness has eaten away at your body, and changed you completely. You know, it was a decade ago. Which is a fairly long time, but not long enough to make that difference on the scale of things. It was sobering and kinda weird too. To look at a picture of yourself,. and feel its a stranger. I used to have a male friend, who always said I could never pass a mirror without looking in it, and he was just pulling my leg the way he always did, but it was also true. These days, a mirror is a stark reality, and reminder of how on any given day desease is eating away at me. It makes me rather grateful and rather humble, that outwardly I don't recognize myself from 10 years ago, and its quite shocking. And inwardly from ten years ago, I don't recognize myself either, and that is kinda reassuring, that God can build His people from the inside out, not from the outside in. But still kinda un-nerving in the realms of seeing a stranger in the pic who was me.
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Ok! You got it!

Well, following the direct instructions of my friend Jerry, who posted his first thing in a morn pic on his blog a few days ago, and I think thought we were all too scaredy cat to do so or something. Perish that thought!!! Snickers bars in the fridge, and my ugly mug first thing in the morn!! Scardy cat my aunt Nellie!!!

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still the scales blind us.

I listened to a sermon yesterday about the life of Johnathon Edwards, and how he enjoyed God, and how his main aim in life was being able to enjoy God. He used to be scared of Thunderstorms at one time, and yet when he was given sight, he saw all the wonders and glories of God and creation, and when thunderstorms hit after his conversion, he would make music to God. He would have prayers that would come to him in a moment, and rather than pray formally or in any traditional manner, he would sing them to God with joy.

And he read passages of scripture multiple times a day. And never failed to see some new wonder that he had previously missed. His whole life centred around God. But one interesting thing I heard in this sermon, was that Johnathon Edwards was a great believer in meditating on Scripture. Not just reading words on a page, and keeping an eye on the clock to see when he had to finish to move onto other things. And this seems to be the thing that is missing from many Christians scripture readings today. Often myself included. We read a chapter, perhaps two or three. But we don't stop and meditate on what we have read. The words on a page go in our heads, and often as easily leave our heads as if they'd never been seen, and because of the lack of meditation and reflection, they don't enter our hearts. Its something that has come home to me of late. I suffer more than most folks I know with cognitive difficulties. And yet, reading words and that's it, and not staying and reflecting on the words, can only give these difficulites increase to mulitply. My urging to all, whehter with cognitive difficulties or not, was if you only have ten mins some mornings, to read Scripture for five mins, and spend the rest meditating and reflecting on what you have read. As words on a page is words on a page. But it takes more than words on a page, to go past our brain, and enter into our hearts.


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Face only a mother could love

Well, its the same with animals as with people, occassionally, you read a weird story, that's so touching, it can be about something like a hippo and it touches you still. As it still involves feelings and emotions, and whether a man or a beast, its what on the inside that counts.

NAIROBI (Reuters) - A 120-year-old giant tortoise living in a Kenyan sanctuary has become inseparable from a baby hippo rescued by game wardens, officials said on Thursday.
Reuters Photo

The year-old hippo calf christened Owen was rescued last month, suffering from dehydration after being separated from his herd in a river that drains into the Indian Ocean.
"When we released Owen into the enclosure, he lumbered to the tortoise which has a dark gray color similar to grown up hippos," Sabine Baer, rehabilitation and ecosystems manager at the park, told Reuters.

She said the hippo's chances of survival in another herd were very slim, predicting that a dominant male would have killed him.
However, Owen's relationship with the Aldabran tortoise named Mzee, Swahili for old man, may end soon. The sanctuary plans to place Owen with Cleo, a lonely female hippo. From Yahoo News
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Its a Cat's life

Well, I seem to be stuck with more kitty pics than dogs still... I am NOT a cat person!!!

And check out the singing kitties vdo and be glad that you're not soluble!

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5 Quick things about me

Well, since I am ALWAYS left behind, in everything, and I spent ten hours of yesterday flat out/unconscious unexpectedly and have only just now seen, I shall now follow Jerry and Gogh Gurl's thing on their blogs, seeing as they are the ones I visit most often!!! (I hate being left behind all the time..sniff)

1. At under 10 I was far the brightest student at my school. And was considered to be a bright light for the future. (What happened, huh?)

2. I don't give my love easily to anyone. Or let them love me.

3. My top two British dislikes in the way of entertainment, or media are The Beatles and the writer William Shakespeare.

4. I was once carried out of a hot chocolate concert unconscious through strobe lighting. (this is my claim to me leaving a lasting impression on Erol Brown)

5. I am scared of the dark.


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How would you survive?

Cunning. Through use of many of life's faculties,
you've managed to suceed greatly. It may not
seem so to many, but isn't the the point most
times? It's only a matter of knowing more then
the others, right? I'm scared of people like
you, but in the same time, admire the ability
to see more then just the big picture; you see
yourself in it every time. You survived the end
by knowing who to knock down so you got that
last spot in the bunker... nicely done.

How would you survive the End of the World?

Quizzilla


See? Not only crazy but mean, and cunning too! Ai ai ai! I someitmes wonder if surviving the day is likely, so end of the world stuff, seemed fun to ponderize! Especially since we know how the end of the world will happen.

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Take the test

Take the Personality Test
You are a Dreamer!

You are a DREAMER (SIAF)— reserved and
imaginative. You are basically the shy, silent type. You don't have much
interest in facts and figures or most of what's going on around you, but
the internal worlds you build for yourself are rich and complex.
Luckily, your creativity and
strong heart mean you have a deep personality evident to anyone who gets
to know you. It's just that not many people do. Compared to 14,536,974 other test
takers.

deejay2038

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My Blagless Blog

I have been amazingly blagless for two days, due to increased illness again.

Yet it never ceases to amaze me either, how at times when in such extremities, God speaks clearer truths to me than at times of lesser duress. I resigned from my church today, owing to me being housebound since Sept, and if ever I was in a position to be out again, some doctrinal differences which I can't reconcile with the truths of scripture. The RPW being the main one and all that goes with that. Its been a long hard battle to get to the point of saying, I can't affiliate myself with a denomination which doesn't hold to such differences. And many people RPW bash, and I have before too, which was my sin, and it was done entirely in ignorance more than anything else, and believing others must know better than me when new to Christendom, and yet ignorance is not excuse. Just over two years ago, I found out exactly what was meant by the RPW, as I'm not the brightest bunny on the block in some ways when always struggling with cognitive difficulties, yet once it was explained in a way I could understand, I decided to not stay ignorant and search the truths of Scripture on this out. EP was the hardest aspect of this for me to reconcile, until I read what G.I. Williamson said on this very subject in his shorter catechism study guide on the Second commandment, which tho didn't specifically speak to EP it did speak very much to the RPW. I posted it in its entirety at one of my Yahoo Group Reformers Corner
And after reading that, could no longer exclude EP as being in doubt. So, tonite, through a mixture of doctrinal differences, and personal differences at my church, I sent my letter of resignation as a member. But, my first reactions to the RPW, were based in ignorance. And I implore anyone who may have doubts or think its legalistic, before you say so, or hide venom in ones heart about it, cos you so disagree, to go search the truths of Scripture and see if it aligns with the Bible or not. See for youselves if it is the very epitome of the Sufficiency of Scripture. Be a Bearan (Acts 17:10-12) and not a wrong headed crack pot with an ignorant opinion, as I once was.


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What religion best suits you?

"WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"


True Christian
You are humble, gracious, kind and extremely Christ-like. You believe in the bible as your law, but read it in its original language. Perhaps you're not a scholar, but you're not an armature either. You normally don't feel church is acceptable for your form of worship, and if anyone believes different from you, you might try to learn something from them.

Well that was what the test said, but it was far too generous. Am the biggest sinner I know. But I do believe the truths in the Bible. They were right with the not being a scholar, however, tho, if they spelled not an "amateur" correctly I would disagree with them there too.
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The song

I've seen the lightning flashing And heard the thunder roll, I've felt sin's breakers dashing, Which tried to conquer my soul; I've heard the voice of my Savior, He bid me still fight on-- He promised never to leave me, Never to leave me alone.

Anyone who knows me will know I ain't fan of the papists as far as theology goes, and I know the guy singing the song on this blog, has gone the way of Rome, yet, when the going gets tough, and all kinds of doubts and fears to do with getting through this illness and to the other side, the main message of this song, is what I need to hear from God time and time again. And I do. When the fear of losing ones mind to some degree rises again for various reasons, you need the reassurance of God, that He will be there whatever, and tho the physical aspects are the ones that have bought my life to a stand still in almsot every way, its the mind aspects and losing it perhaps for good one day, that is the biggest fear aspect, and with the best known porphyric being King George of the Madness of King George fame, and my past, plus certain tendencies and events that rear up again now, the fear is valid, So, Yes, I need to feel reassured by God that He will be with me in the fire whatever, and that He's leading the way, if at some point, the unthinkabhle happens, and are stark raving mad. I may joke abuot the crazy calvinist and insanity and all that, and yet the joking these days, covers a multitude of fears, and fear can paralyze anyone, so, this song maybe sung by a Catholic monk, but whenever I come by here, during times of duress or fear, its a tangible reminder that God is going before me, whatever lies ahead.

Be Not Afraid:

You shall cross the barren desert
but you shall not die of thirst
you shall wander far in safety,
tho you do not know the way,
You shall speak your words in foreign lands,
and know they'll understand.
You shall see the face of God and live.

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow me,
And I will give you rest.

Blessed are your poor,
For the Kingdom shall be theirs,
Blessed are you who weep and mourn,
One day you shall laugh.
And if wicked tongues insult and hate you,
All because of Me,
Blessed, blessed are you.

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow me,
And I will give you rest.

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow me,
And I will give you rest.

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow me,
And I will give you rest.

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