1 thing I hate about this illness..

Sometimes, is my inability to think in real time. I joke with friends about going bunny hopping to get to the same place they arrived at hours previously, and in this medium, (online) it can be okay, but when talking or discussing things face to face or on the phone its a nitemare. I have a particularly awkward situation, since I resigned from my church, as I have been implored to stay, and I've said to my pastor at times, tht I can talk much better by email than by phone or face to face will lesser but still important matters. You can't remember what you know, tho you know your convictions are strong but because you can't express these convictions, it must seem pretty weak to other folks. YOu can't always even remember the word you want to use. And often with everything in life, I know the result of what I know or believe, but can't put together to explain the finer points of what got me to that knowledge or belief. And if its in real time, in person or on the phone, I feel vulnerable in the sense of cos I can't think to remember what I know, that anyone can tell me what they know, and without the available knowledge I have somewhere in me, how do I know for sure they are wrong? Especially if they are well thought of and trusted friends. And if I can't say why I think they are wrong, even if I know from what's led me to m beliefs, well, I feel more than a little foolish and inaffectual.

Its another problem of being a lone Christian here in England too. As there's no one not one person, who can stand along side me and even speak up for me havng shared with them what got me to the beliefs in the first place when they became the truths to me. There's also no one who shares the same beliefs anywhere near at all. Most folks here have never even heard of the RPW, So, sometimes the cognitive aspects of this desease stink big time.
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