Wednesday, February 16, 2005
My God..
My God, My God, why have you foresaken me?
Maybe I think they are the saddest words in the Bible, cos when I am as low as now, its the words I scream Heavenwards. And when this low, its also because I'm bearing the burden of others sins. Living with the consequences of a reign of horror and terror that would seem unimaginable to most people.
This terror has taken me to the brink of suicide in earlier years with more than one attempt, The pain of living with the consequences of it, and with a constant reminder of how much has been lost, how much was never there, how I never belonged in this world, often makes me feel there again. The nut houses are full of people whose brains are healthy, but there emotional distress is so bad, they can't function, often caused by grief and pain, normally or often by the sin of others against them. When you're brain is damaged in some way to start with thru illness or desease, then it takes you a step further beyond just the emotionally hurting people in the funny farms, it consumes you. And when you've spent hours asking, where is God in all this? Why doesn't He rescue me. Why doesn't He show He loves me, that would be enough to make this bearable. And the answers don't come, maybe because of the emotionally vegative state. So, you are still crying in the wilderness and looking Heavenwards and still asking, My God, why have you foresaken me?
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