Thursday, February 17, 2005
I long for..
A dog. Its number one on my wish list at present. But its also impossible at least until I get moved. But when my health takes a turn for the worse like this weekend gone, and the brain is seroiously impacted, so that yesterday I spent about 14 hours in a river of tears, and all I can do is lay on my bed, alone, looking at the ceiling, (or even worse watching TV) weeping, when tho my lifestyle is very immobile and housebound, I do normally spend hours a day reading, but once the brain stuff in this kind of degree kicks in, tis not possible to any real degree.
So, I lay on my bed, weeping, staring at the ceiling, calling out to God to save me, and I remember how I used to always have dogs on my bed, when I had the flu or something. How the look of love in their eyes used to make it feel worth being alive, if even for that, and now even that is impossible at present. I really do feel like God's orphan, as sickness is not easy for anyone. To bear it in such distress at times, normally alone in the temporal world, is I think when I get a small glimpse of what hell must be like. |
