Putting away Pride

Well, as I've been posting now and again... I have been so much sicker of late and some of it is ongoing still..and yet at least as far as the deep depressive state that reached the last week or so... you ever know you've been visited by God? In as much as He has been renewing or regenerating you through whatever our affliction maybe? One thing about my illness, it brings out the worst of the worst bits of me that have always been there. Moods, short-fuse, frustration, impatience etc. And it seems the very things that have always given me and often those around me problems, get pushed to the forefront simply cos being sick, those kind of tendencies would likely be there if not already prone to them.

Yet you know God has been speaking to you through your affliction. And over the last two years its become hugely important to me to only have people in my life in any major way whom I can trust. as if you give a neighbor some money to pick some stuff up for you, and you can't remember if you gave them the money or not, if you ask them, you need someone who is going to give you an honest answer and you know it will be honest without having to worry about it. Same as people who on a level of discernment often do better than I do... and the trust is there which has been built over a long time. Yet also, none of us likes to feel we are struggling to keep up with our peers in how we deal with life or manage our lives or other things. And when one always feels left behind in this way, it often makes way for pride to give way. In that you would like to be able to think the same and discern the same and make judgments and decisions the same as those who are your equal. And yet you also know your judgment and thought processes are severely hampered at times. So those habits of anger, frustration and impatience get worse, as you feel you are losing any battle to survive in a real level or in a normal way.. and so you assert yourself to seem equal..and often with impaired judgment you assert wrongly or incorrectly. And the still small voice you feel certain is that yes your illness makes you weak and vulnerable in many ways. Whether it be mind or body. But if you put away your pride, and know that others who may be your equal may have an opinion or thought that is more glorifying to me than your is.. .by listening I can be glorified through your weakness. And in the end, it will make you more dependant on Me, than yourself. By learning to putting away your opinion and your will.. and to know that I am Lord. That doesn't mean I will follow anyone blindly, just to know that in my weakened state, that my judgments are often not sound, and learn to not trust myself and be open to hearing others. And though not about to follow anyone blindly, I know that through the mess that often passes for my mind, I am normally able to discern if something is a God given opinion or not. And putting down my often hampered misfiring thoughts that lead to chaos, and away from God, rather than taking me nearer.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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