No Judas

Well, i am off to get genetically engineered....! ;-)

A long awaited hospital appt that's taken me three years to even get this far, and in those three years, my health has rapidly spiralled. It feels a bit like waiting for judgement from a mere human. As the outcome of this doctors decisions, will in one way or another, seal my future.

Sometimes when things are so extremely tough, we wonder what God is diong with us. Where He's taking us. Whateveer the out come of this appt, or subsequent ones, my biggest prayer right now, is that whatever does or doesn't happen, He still keeps His grip on me. The times I've wanted to run and hide since the timing of my conversion seemed so intricatly interwined with my health suddenly going to pot. Sometimes its felt like being in different kind of bondage than before. And one I was helpless to have any say in. As a close friend has often said to me, we never think the life of a Christian will be an easy one, but sometimes we are never prepared for just how hard it can be.

But whatever turns out to be the case with this doctor, I pray that to paraphrase a prayer Queen Elizabeth I made when she thought her life was about to be taken by Bloody Mary that I can still say this afterwards. I trust that I will whatever the outcome.

I never thought to come here a prisoner, I beseech you all my friends and fellows, to bear witness that I come here no traitor but as true a subject to God's majesty as any now alive.
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