Saturday, September 11, 2004

The Judas in all of us:

continuing on from any judgements which fall upon our countries is all our sins: Judas had the same attitude at least some, only he was being a total hypocrite. But we hear of those who profess faith, taking the final act anyone can take, and reject the Lord, and kill themselves, and I hear other Christians saying, there final sin was already paid for, which no one can say for certain, but I do know they can't repent of such a final sin. And as someone whose led a life filled with suicidal tendencies, these thought patterns do not just disappear and stop, on salvation. The devil knows our weakness, he knows how to push the right buttons. And yes, the thoughts will be there, when life seems intolerable, but not in a contemplative way. To contemplate with them, or consider them, in any kind of way, would be like playing with fire. And the Lord told us to resist the devil and he would flee from us. But during the darkest times, it can sometimes seem to be the thing that is most pressing, as you have to deal with the onslaughts of life, which seem constant and hardly ever remitting, and that thought to kill oneself and remove oneself from the situation, looks like a tempting answer. NO. It is not an answer, and would be the final rejection and despising the Lord's protection. Sometimes I don't know how to get through a day. I lay strapped to my bed, unable to be up because I am too sick, often unable to read because of physical brain problems, and I think a little bit of hell comes near on those days. Being in bed, ones options are limited. And there is no other stimuli around, such as books or normal every day life, all one is aware of is the pain that fills ones body, and the torment that seems to engulf you internally, those thoughts creep in. The TV sits there, like a hand outstretching towards you, offering some distraction from the above. Yet, the very nature of what's on TV in any level almost, you know its not a friend on any level. And will just further allow the devil to strengthen his foothold. So, you lay there, with your pain, body, mind and soul, and contemplate. and in those times which seem of late to have been all too frequent, you try to think of blessings which have come. And often, in the mires of misery, we can also despise God's mercies. But to do so, is just another betrayal of the Lord, such as Judas did when the devil entered in. And however long this time lasts, whether it be several hours, a day, a few days, you know that in your heart, you betrayed your Lord. You wanted release from your suffering, and for a while the thought of ending it had been tempting. And so though I often give pause for thought, when hearing of them taking the final act of despair and distrusting God, its too easy again to point the finger, and say, we could never do such and such a sin. Or we are not responsible for any of God's judgements. Because not a day goes by, when in our hearts, we don't at least betray our Lord in some way.

Matt 27

³Then when Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus^[1] was condemned, he changed his mind and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders,⁴saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood." They said, "What is that to us? See to it yourself."⁵And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself.⁶But the chief priests, taking the pieces of silver, said, "It is not lawful to put them into the treasury, since it is blood money."⁷So they took counsel and bought with them the potter's field as a burial place for strangers.⁸Therefore that field has been called the Field of Blood to this day.⁹Then was fulfilled what had been spoken by the prophet Jeremiah, saying, "And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the price of him on whom a price had been set by some of the sons of Israel,¹⁰and they gave them for the potter's field, as the Lord directed me."

"I more fear what is within me than what comes from without"
Martin Luther

9/11/2004 05:45:00 pm ::