Monday, August 02, 2004
Be not Afraid!am more afraid of my own heart than of the pope and all his cardinals. I have within me the great pope, Self.
Martin Luther
That isn't the quote I was looking for, it was one about the biggest devil being within us... as in what tempts us.
Fear should not be the lot of a Christian. Yet, sometimes, it seems to enshroud you and block out everything vaguely good. Fear of everything. God, man, fear of your own failings and fear of what else can happen in this life.,he
When it becomes the driving force, who can stand? Fear is a habit, a habit learned. Of people, of everything in all kinds of manners of things. Fear of bad cycles to keep on turning in every sphere of life. Nothing will change, or will it? Fear of yourself is the hardest thing to handle. Calvin said that we need a rigsht knowledge of God AND ourselves Which is true. When you have the right image of God, you become fearful of who you are, and knowing. what your natural bent to anything will lead you. I dislike being vulnerable. Then any Tom, Dick or Harriet can come along and use whatever it was that made you so, when they want to whack you over the head with it, and cause maximal damage with it. When trust is betrayed in that happening, its a double blow. I had this happen in the online world less than two years ago. The scars are still there, and tho they may have been angry and had cause to be, how often before the same c les repeats. And I seem to be in a position, now, where struggling to stay alive and hold onto believing Romans 8:28 when I may feel pushed into making myself vulnerable again, with my closest personal friend, who also happens to be my pastor. I see in him, no reasons for alarm bells to ring, and unsually with the male species have let the guard down which is almost always there. If you don't let anyone close, then they can't hurt you right? Fear!!!
And I wrote him last nite, after discussing the prospect Biblical councelling and telling him no way hose, out of fear Again!! And know I was open and honest in some of the things that seem to be a forever ongoing struggle. And know the reasons too, which goes back to Calvin about knowing ourselves rightly. And now at the time of writing being exhausted, are too fearful to look to see what I said.
And yet, the words which first started to break the chains, was this from 2 Tim.7for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
So, how can fear be the ruling factor. As I believe that with my whole heart. Fear has its own particular chains. Sometimes, when you love someonenit seems easier to drive them away, rather than risk them get up and go of their own free will, then it was on your terms. And that leads to hurt not just for you but to whoever too.
Fear in the whole of the above blag, is something to find freedom from. If you don't, you will cower beneath it. Not sure of God, and terrified of man. And sometimes, when you look to God for consolation, and yet end up getting another flogging, and your teeth are broken no smashed, by eating the gravel that seems to have been ones lot since the year x. He can seem a hard task master. Yet, the fear that can enslave, and drive us, and stop us enjoying the glorious free love of God, doesn't have to be all there is. As that verse from 2 Tim says so clearly. And have broken some of the chains, yet, sometimes still feel threatened to drown under it. God says Do not be afraid, be strong, be of good courage. That's the road to walk, and the one I'm aiming for. For fear will make it seem, that nothing good can ever happen again, cos the worst already has, and that nothing can make it better from it happening. But Jesus said, He has over come the world, and we can too, I just need to find the key from God which will scourge this fear right outta here, and leave ONLY freedom
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