Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Could be a rant in the making: 
Docs appt calls. Have to leave in around 90 mins. Ain't banking on her actually doing anything, as if you don't expect nothing, you don't get disappointed. but if she says no, feel quite certain at this point, that my premonintion of years ago, of dying the same age as Elvis was when he poofed will come true. Medicine is wonderful. If you're a doc and make your living out of it. I probably have a good legal case, and are humming and haaa'ing as I remember more and more facts over the years. Of mis diagnosis' mistreatments, ignoring vital facts as being "normal" and ha! how that has come back to haunt me! I have nothing against nurses, or doctors who do genuinly try to help people. What I do object is the type who play God with other folks lives. I have someone coming with me to liase. Whether they are allowed to actually open their mouths and be my mouthpiece I don't have a clue. But if not. I'm in trouble! Am inarticulate, terrified, mouse like, and seeithing with smouldering rage, normally at doctors. Or at least the rage is there come the end of the appt. But, I just do my rolly eye thing, and keep it in.
And then come home and cry out to my Lord. And the fact am here at all now, is not thanks to any doc, but to the Great Physician alone. Two and a half years on from first getting sick, apart from narcotics and other symptom controlling pills, not a thing done medically speaking. And seeing as my head explodes almost every time I sleep, and wake up with parts of memory missing, who else but God is sustaining? No One.Heck, some time last year, when there was a question over if I was mentally unwell, (in there minds) they even used the fact that I had restarted smoking after several months of quitting. Scuse? don't almost all smokers who can't quit do that?
If was suicidal, I could get treatment. Not suicidal and mentally sound, (as has been proved by medical people) are basically left to die, at least till now. Now I may love irony, but that goes a bit too far.
this isn't written bitterly, but is written with indignation. At how you can be put into a box by a label, and then refused to let out of it. At least my old doc had a sense of humour, When I came out of of his office the receptionist always asked what I'd done to him cos he was laughing so loudly. This one, is ummm.... different. And can't find her niche or where she's at. Oh, well, chocks away... and all that. If it all goes pear-shaped will be no worse off than now. If something positive comes, it will be a time for minor cheering.
But whatever does happen, will just have to assume and believe that God's will was done in it. |
